Yesterday I accompanied my friend as she underwent a very unpleasant test for a big, scary health issue. My friend is a lot like me: she has no children and her family is many miles away. No one should go through something like this alone, so I volunteered to be, what she good-naturedly called, her “Biopsy Buddy.”
I’m sure the medical center staff has been highly trained in putting nervous patients at ease, and the nurse who prepped my friend for her procedure did a good job of making safe small-talk. Unfortunately, she latched onto the topic of Halloween, her big plans to go to Disneyland for the evening, and the problems of trying to find a Halloween costume to fit a 7-year-old with extra-long legs. If she was looking to get a conversation started to ease the tension, she picked the wrong, darn subject.
I don’t blame her for going with what she assumed to be a safe bet. I just wish the topic of children wasn’t always the go-to conversation starter.
It’s Whiny Wednesday. What do you wish was different today?
My whine for this week is about my 44 year old pregnant friend. She called me 4 times this week to complain about her weight, her size, that she can’t find jeans that look good, and that how she finally found jeans that look nice. The last message I let go to voice mail.
One friend told me about her pregnancy and her miscarriage today and after feeling sad for her, an ugly thought came into my brain. It said, “Well, at least she had a chance to get a BFP and she had the joyous experience to let her DH know about it.” Then I gasped and felt how twisted that thought was…:-( And I felt guilty for thinking that way…
But I can’t deny the fact that her pregnancy and miscarriage made me feel raw again – it made me turn around to look at my IF wounds and the things that IF had robbed from me – one of the joys was being able to tell DH about a positive pregnancy test. Despite the fact that we’ve moved on and given up on children in our future life, IF still manages to catch me by surprise every now and then (I guess having PMS is also the trigger).
I once went for an unpleasant test at hospital and when I was almost crying with the pain and uncomfortableness of it, the nurse said ‘well, it’s not as bad as childbirth’. I was in no state to tell her that unfortunately I’ve never experienced that (and pain from a test in no way compares to the potential joy of having a baby).
Just wanted to add my whine…thanks for listening…or reading…
My whine is that I started a management course at work this week (something I have been looking forward to as a distraction from the angst of facing a future without children). The first question he posed was what makes a good manager, then he said its a bit like asking what makes a good mum – my heart sank…. and he kept talking about his children throughout the session. Then I got annoyed with myself for letting it get to me
So frustrating that Medical “professionals” going on and on about kids …when I was going under for dental surgery as I was being gassed, the two technicians kept going on and On about maternity leave and how much you get etc… eventually it was too much and I told them I was infertile and I didnt want to hear about it. That shut them up.. but WOW was my voice funny.
Love it! Good for you! Wish I had done it myself a few times.
One week of dreaming about babies or pregnancy nearly every night. After several months of feeling my anxiety was under wraps, I’m back to waking up after only a few hours of sleep, with all sorts of worries and fears floating around in my head. The catalyst for this: Coming across a blog detailing the infertility journey of a couple currently undergoing treatment for the same condition that dh had… the problem being that dh didn’t want to give rt a shot, and my frustration about how he was unable t o communicate any of this beforehand. I keep lingering on the “what ifs”… “What if, he would have been able to talk openly to me about it 10 years ago.”
Gotta say… my whine today is about the advertisement under your post…of Jennifer Ainston security tape- VERY pregnant… 🙁 I didn’t expect that.
yikes! When I got to this blog I don’t see any advertisements about anything. I wonder why you are seeing them. That’s weird.
I never see any ads either.
Life Without Baby says
Wolfers, can you elaborate, please? There should be absolutely no ads connected to this blog in any way, and especially something as inappropriate as what you saw. Very alarmed here. Can you let me know specifically where you saw the ad so I can look into it?
I have never seen any ads here either??
I always see ads, directly under the initial post. Fortunately I didn’t see THAT ad today. :/
Life Without Baby says
Could you post or email the url where you see these ads? I want to solve this mystery. :-s
It was there when I clicked to your website from my email- (email with advertisement)- when I go to your blog straight (no email), no advertisement. Makes sense?
Life Without Baby says
Aha! I think I’m getting closer. Do you use a blog feed or some service other than WordPress to send you the posts via email? Sorry to hound you with all these tech questions, but I’ve always tried to be vigilant about not doing anything on the site that would allow ads, so your comment threw me into a tizzy. If it’s something I can fix on my end, I promise I will as that is not okay. 🙁
Just a thought – the advertisement may be coming up if Wolfers uses a free internet service. There is no way to block those. If that is the case, i don’t think that it is something that LWB can correct.
I’ll try to explain, thro I’m not sure myself.. All I know is that when I go to original post (for first time) the ads are there- but disappear when I try to leave a comment, or when I come back later on. It’s ONLY there for the first time (any new post)- from my email (in which I subscribe to here). I’m not sure what “free internet service” is, thro… when it comes to internet, broadband, ether or either (whatever), it goes over my head. But what Maria says, does make sense…
My whine — I am off work — that’s not the whine ; ) but the reason is I got my period yesterday. :p I started feeling lousy yesterday afternoon & I’m still not feeling great today — I think I made the right call. I am almost 52; how much longer do I have to put up with this??? :p
I hear you!
My whine today is that twins were just born into my husband’s extended family yesterday. I’m gearing up for all the new baby talk over the holidays.
Tina Ann says
My whine is how tired I am of seeing “Baby on Board” signs in peoples cars. Talk about salt in the wound when I’m feeling sensitive!
Kate B says
I’m a day late, but I’m going to whine anyway. I got an invitation to a baby shower for a friend of mine in yesterday’s mail. This friend had long claimed not to want kids, she was cool with husband’s son from his first marriage, but she really didn’t like kids. Now I’m the only one in that circle of friends who will be childless. And I freaking hate baby showers. But I do want to support my friend. But I hate baby showers and there will likely be multiple children 2 and under at tht shower. I have no ready excuse to get out of it. I don’t like to lie, but I hate baby showers. I think I would hate them even if I had kids – they are boring and stupid. “Oh look, these are our bottle warmer covers” “oh how sweet these are our onesies.” “Oh how cute these are our puke cleaners.” ARGH
Don’t go! I stopped going to baby showers 7 years ago and it was the best decision I ever made. Send a gift and take your friend to lunch on another day.
Yep, I went to a baby shower last year and I’ve decided not to go to any more. I can still send a gift at another time.
My whine this week is that I can’t seem to post a reply at LWB :'(