By Lisa Manterfield
Our private community now boasts close to 3,000 members and I’m extremely proud of the support and camaraderie we offer one another.
Periodically, someone leaves and I wish her a silent farewell and good luck. Members don’t often fill in the note about why they’re leaving, but when they do, it’s usually along the lines of “Yippee! I’m pregnant. See you later, sucka!”
Ok, it’s never like that, but you get the idea. Women generally leave Life Without Baby to pursue life with baby, and I have to admit that it always stings a little.
Recently, though, one member left and gave this wonderful reason:
“I am moving on from my identity as a childless woman.”
I wanted to throw her a party. She’s not leaving because she’s no longer a childless woman; she’s leaving because she no longer wants to carry around that label and all the stigma and resentment that can come along with it. She’s moving on, I assume, to embrace her life as a woman, with all its facets.
We play many roles in our lives and carry an assortment of identities. Sometimes those identities no longer suit us and we have to let them go. And while I’m sorry to lose a member, I truly wish her nothing but a wonderful life.
Maria says
I read and commented on this site daily for a few years. I stopped for a full year because I wanted to shift my focus away from these feelings. I don’t think I would have been unable do that unless I had a place like this to vent for as long as I did. I just wanted others who may be new to the site to know that working through those feelings really helps you heal and move forward, and you can leave those feelings behind without having a baby. I have not identified a new dream for my future but I am having fun exploring a lot of different things right now. Thank you Lisa for helping me do that.
Almira says
Like the above comment, I am so grateful for this site .. it helped me let out my unfiltered thoughts and it was a safe space to interect and give people feedback on their situation. Don’t know where I’d be without the support of you all on this website. It is like that understanding helpful friend that I never had. Outside of this community i have my family and friends trying to reach out to be there .. but they are lacking the most important thing: knowing what it’s like to be in my shoes.. and i definitely need to talk and relate to people who are JUST LIKE ME!
but, kudos to that women for looking at it from a different angle, we all travel on different journeys and i respect that .. wish her best of luck and positivity.
Analia says
Almira; I agree with you.
Misty says
So, where’s this party at? 🙂
Jane P (UK) says
Yes – where’s the party, i’m in! 🙂
Jane P (UK) says
Yes I’ve wondered if sometimes I check in too often and am not “moving on”. However I think it is part of the grief (a path that is not linear), I could at times be thinking “I don’t want to define myself as infertile”. Then again, a trigger is pulled at work or at social events and I find myself needing to check in with LWB and reassure myself that my feelings are valid and to be kind to myself. I am also hoping that I have started posting to help others too. Thank you Lisa and Kathleen for this wonderful site and a place to share ways to work our way out of the fog. There are days now when I do just want to party and laugh and see new places and new experiences – I also value the trip to our on site bistro for a latte. Things do get better – I do need to keep reminding myself though with visits here that I am not mad and its not an easy path even day to day.
Magda says
I love this post 🙂