This week’s Whiny Wednesday topic is that old chestnut:
The baby shower!
A reader wrote:
I would like to know how others handle baby showers. I have vowed to not go to any more baby showers after leaving the last one in tears and disappointed in myself because I felt so strong before I went. Do others have emotional issues about other people’s baby showers or am I alone?
After assuring her that she definitely was not alone in feeling this way, I thought I’d turn the topic over to you. And I’m adding to it the newest horror, the gender reveal party.
Please whine, rant, empathize, and even advise on this most delicate of topics.
The only baby showers I will ever go to again will be for my nieces and nephews. And if at that time I’m not feeling up to it, I’ll just send a really nice gift. I’ve sent gifts to good friends over the past few years but declined the showers. My happiness is just as important as anyone else’s, so I no longer put myself into positions where I’m going to feel really uncomfortable. There are plenty of other people for them to celebrate with. If no one wants to tend to my feelings, I don’t have an obligation to tend to theirs.
Jane P (UK) says
Well said Lacie – totally agree
Kara Love says
I simply do not go. I will buy a gift and give it to the momma to be privately.
Analia Toros says
I’ve been to more showers than I can count and am now in a stage of my life where I do not want to go anymore. However, I have one coming up this November with my husband’s friend’s wife, and my husband thinks I should go. Begrudgingly, I plan to show up on time and will have an excuse to leave after 2 hours… as that will be more than enough time for all the “oohing” and “awing” this gal can take.
The Barreness says
Even after over a decade out I came to the decision to not go to baby showers anymore. I make or send a gift to the family to be and try to visit after the little human arrives.
The whole thing is still too much and most likely always will be.
I concur with the above comments. I’ve been to many, many baby showers over the past 40 years for siblings, cousins, friends, co-workers, etc. always with a smile on my face and giving a nice gift, spending a small fortune over the years. Some were harder than others. The ones that were most satisfying were the ones I helped to host. I’ve written in previous posts re: my sadness at being left out of the hosting of a home baby shower for my husband’s niece (being the only sister-in-law not included in the party planning). Members of this group were extremely helpful in their replies to my post. After spending some time feeling sorry for myself, I realized that on a positive note they did me a favor as I don’t feel compelled to attend. I have sent a gift and plan to take a vacation with my husband instead which will be much more fun indeed. I’m wishing everyone all the best as they confront the baby shower dilemma. Attend or don’t but protect yourself and do what’s best for you.
Baby Showers often upset me, I then realised for me it was more the thought and then the following emotions that stopped me from going and being able to participate fully. I am now at a point where I allow things to be as they will be. I recently attended a baby shower for a friend because I thought, if it was mine I’d like others to be happy for me and just like I have my life she has hers and her life includes a child. I allowed myself to be in the moment at the shower, I gave myself a one hour window in which I could leave if I wanted to, and when the games came out I cringed and then decided that I was here and I’ll embrace it, the game was actually fun and we had some laughs. Slowly but surely the afternoon unfolded exactly as it needed, I stayed over 2 hours and left when I felt the time was right. Don’t get me wrong, everyday I practice accepting our situation and some days are easier than others. The more I live in the moment and practice being kind to myself and others the easier life is. After all for me its the quality of the life I lead not the quantity of children I produce.
So true, Rebecca. I love your attitude and your last 2 sentences will be thoughts that I need to remember. THX!
Thank YOU! xx
I choose not to attend baby showers, reveal parties (which I think are absurd to begin with) or any other baby event. I went to the shower for my nephew, and that was joyous and extremely difficult all at the same time. Just this last week I needed up staying home from work because there was a baby shower for a coworker. I just couldn’t deal with it. It’s hard to be gentle and kind to myself, but I’m learning. We all have to do what’s right for our own mental health. We really don’t owe anyone an explanation either. What’s the saying? Those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. Hang in there!
Nita Bourland says
For years did not go to Baby showers, too upsetting so I totally understand, however am past that stage they dont bother me like they used to however I am still choosy I go to close friends and family I figure at least I am invited and I tell myself I just go for the Food…weddings, Baby showers, funerals, birthday parties all are encased with food and meals
As for Gender reveals I think it is dumb and ridiculous…I feel that is more a personal thing between the couple and it just started within the last few years, used to never have them…
Maybe I should throw myself a surprise Birthday party since I no longer have a husband or kids to help me celebrate…
Yes Do It Nita! We deserve to fulfil our needs and wants – organise the party and celebrate exactly the way you want 🙂 xx
We don’t have baby showers in the UK. I’ve never been to one and never been invited to one. The only person I know who had one was my friend’s sister-in-law but she’s from India. I’m glad that’s one American tradition that we have not adopted over here. I can’t bear to spend time with babies or pregnant women or even look at bumps in my Facebook feed.
A newly-wed younger friend just asked me to plan a baby shower for another friend. I said “No, I don’t attend baby showers”. She was just diagnosed with pcos, and just been married for only three months and told me she understood. Our conversation ended there. I felt there was no need to say anything to her. They were both been good friends,but I really doubt if they ever would understood my feelings, but I did not really feel the need to explain.
I had been okay with not explaining my life to anyone. I am happier with that. I stopped caring what other people felt about me, I focus my attention and time on the few people I love and cherish the most. Some friends are important, and some are just not on my priority list.