Most people in my life were supportive when I told them about my decision to end my quest for motherhood. But there were some who didn’t want me to quit. They kept offering unsolicited advice and stories of other people’s miracles, when what I really needed from them was a kind and understanding word.
So this week’s whine topic is:
People who won’t let you quit
Brandi Lytle says
About a year ago, I reconnected with someone from high school. Of course, we talked about what had happened in the past 20 or so years, and when asked about kiddos, I said we couldn’t have children. While I was grateful for the “I’m sorry,” I became a bit annoyed when the conversation continued with the “I know how much you wanted kids,” etc, etc. I was annoyed that I had accepted my childlessness, and yet, it seemed this person couldn’t let it go! I suppose it’s hard for some to understand that letting go of being a mom isn’t the worst thing in the world…
I completely agree. It’s the other people who feel it’s more difficult to let go sometimes.
Kara Love says
Every. New. Person. I. Meet.
Then I tell them I’m almost 40 and not going to have a baby!
I tried a psychotherapist (she was my 4th or so) to deal with the depression in my life which was partly caused by childlessness, partly by being single and burn-out in my professional life. She said we should really take care to make sure from the start what my task for her was. I said something in the sense of, I want to learn to create a good life for myself accepting the facts (being single and childless…).
Three sessions in, she goes “oh but you need a partner, since you long for a child”.
I was 45 years old.
A few years ago, a friend who knew I had had ectopics and couldn’t have children, seemed to resent a comment I made about being childless (I simply said that making wills is more complicated when you’re childless), and she responded with the “you could always adopt” comment, that sounded as if she just wanted me to be quiet. I then proceeded to educate her on how difficult it is to adopt in NZ. I don’t know if I got through to her, but she had the grace to no say anything further! I was already in my 50s! (Early 50s, of course! lol)
Very grateful I only had one person pull this on me. She pushed using a surrogate on me.