Halloween is a holiday that others assume everyone is joyous about, but for many of us, it’s a holiday that surprises us with all kinds of triggers. Halloween delivers a steady stream of Other People’s Children—all impossibly cute—to our neighborhoods, Facebook pages, and workplaces. It’s hard to avoid it when it comes, quite literally, knocking at your own front door.
Around Halloween, it’s a good idea to steer clear of social media, the mall, and kid-related gatherings. If you live in a family-friendly neighborhood, you might also have to deal with a steady stream of adorable munchkins.
As always, it pays to have a plan so you don’t find yourself hiding behind the couch with the lights out, pretending not to be in, because the first set of trick-or-treaters reduced you to tears and now you’re trapped in your own home. And, by the way, this is a real-life story from a reader, not a humorous hypothetical scenario.
So, how will you handle it? Do you want to turn out the lights and pretend you’re not home? Do you need to make alternative plans so you don’t have be at home during trick or treat time? During those years I wasn’t ready to face it, I’ve turned off the front lights and hidden in a back room of my house with a book. I’ve also left home before dusk and gone to dinner and the movies. Other years, I’ve decked out the lawn, bought a cauldron of sweeties, and fully embraced other people’s children (although I’ll admit there was more of the former before I could muster the strength for the latter). If you feel you want to participate by handing out goodies, consider inviting friends over for dinner so you have a back-up for answering the door, and be ready with a Plan B in case you suddenly discover you’re not as ready as you thought.
The holidays are always going to be challenging, but being aware of the emotional triggers and having a plan in place can help you to get through them and maybe even have some fun.
Emily Morrison says
I never celebrated as a kid (religious reasons) but always wanted to do the costume part. Since being on my own, I finally get a chance to dress up. My husband and I have dressed up in duo costumes, not to go trick or treating but to go get discounted “booritos” from Chipotle every year. It satisfies my desire to make and dress up in nerdy costumes (this year is Portal [videogame] themed), and my husband’s love for Chipotle. I guess that’s kind of the benefit to not having kids. We don’t feel the pressure to act like serious adults, and get to just have fun. Maybe someday we’ll grow out of this tradition, but for now its fun, and a good way to deal with the holiday, at least in my opinion. I can definitely understand why it would make other women sad. I have often looked wistfully at other people’s kids all dressed up, or doing other fall activities that I wish I could do with my own kids (like apple picking). I’m just glad I can find something positive and fun to do this time of year… now to get through the rest of the holidays… that’s harder.
Supersassy says
Of all the holidays I found Halloween to be the worst. I have hidden with lights out, went out to dinner not to deal with it. My husband likes giving out the candy , I hang onto the cat. The idea of everyone’s cute kids and me not having any was horrible. This year we got pumpkins and some decorations. Overall I have accepted not being a mom but the timeframe is close to our adoption mishap so it can be challenging. I do like the staying away from social media that is key. The plan B is helpful too. Writing or talking about it helps too. Thank you for inventing a blog of people who truly understand . Hugs
Catherine says
This is a hard one for me. I’m an only child, so growing up Christmas could be lonely, but Halloween was always so much fun. Now it’s just a bummer to see how much fun everyone else is having. We have neighbours across the street with a 2 year old and a 4 year old who we are close with, so last year we brought them over their treats and saw their costumes. Then we picked up a pizza, dumped the candy in a bowl and left it on the step and turned off the light. We will be doing the same thing this year… it’s just too much of a reminder of what could have been. I’m Canadian so we just had our Thanksgiving and I find that is a hard one too… lots of social media posts of people being grateful for you-know-what… and then it’s on to Christmas!! Sigh… I’ll be glad when it’s January!
Julia Meade says
Wow! To be honest, I did not have issues having children. However to grow and possibly be a compassionate carrier, I am trying to learn to walk in those with interfility’s shoes. This is just the beginning of what I have to realize. Thanks for showing the daily reality!
JM
https://justanoffer.blogspot.com