It has been a pretty wild year, hasn’t it? I am certainly hoping that 2020 shows some big improvements.
But, before we close out this year, here is your last opportunity to rant this year. It’s an open forum (within reason), so feel free to get things off your chest so we can start fresh next year.
Analia Toros says
… still hurts…badly…
Wasting away in Washington says
We’ve dropped so many traditions over the years within my family. It’s really tragic. My mom is growing more and more bitter that she’s not yet a grandmother, and she keeps saying certain traditions are for children and since we have none, we don’t need them any longer. I’m trying harder and harder to hold onto the holiday spirit and the Christmas magic to get me through this season but she’s always there, holding me down. I can’t discuss my infertility with her anymore, she always says things like “imagine how I feel.” Yes, mother, my infertility is about you.
Karolina Borka says
I so understand you. My husband and I decided to adopt a 3rd cat.I told my mom and she responded by saying “You have 3 cats and I don’t have any grandchildren!” I told her “You are right. You have no grandchildren. Life didn’t give us what we wanted. Nothing I can do about it. Sorry. So how is Dad doing?”
I can understand that. We are going to see family next week and I’m already dreading the awkwardness and the constant tone of ” you didn’t give me any grandchildren”. I have tried to say sorry so many times, but what else can we do ? This was not our choice. It’s what life has given us! It’s much harder on to deal with then any parents or in-laws, however, they are just focused on how terrible it feels to them. I don’t even know what to say anything…try to just get through those days keeping busy doing something. Is there even a way to be respectful yet firm on stopping those comments? Seems much harder to say anything when it comes to in-laws.
wow those would-be grandmothers are so selfish.
My sister had a daughter 3 years ago, the only grand-child now in the family. And my mum is now alienating all her relatives one by one by being completely possesive over the girl. As soon as my niece is around, mum won’t talk to any adults in the room anymore and she doesn’t accept that my sis and her husband have more to say about the kids upbringing than herself. I get how obsessive a woman can be about her own children – after all, I still have a hard time dealing with infertility after 10 years – but in the (would-be) grannies, it’s hard to understand.
Aly Zadurowicz says
Yesterday, I found a paper that confirmed my pregnancy 15+ years ago. It hit me like a hammer to the heart. My hubby found me and gave me a big, long hug. Meanwhile, not one family member – but my mom, with whom I speak every day- reached out to say Merry Christmas or that they were thinking of us. I still reached out anyway (I don’t want to respond in like kind and harden my own heart). But I’m not going to say it doesn’t hurt when they can’t even send me a chat or email. In the end, my faith gets me through and I choose to celebrate and have joy… but the holidays can be especially hard, esp with all the family photo cards. It used to bother me a lot more- esp. when there was no note at all, and Christmas was the only time they’d connect — it’s felt like being part of a mass mailing to show-off their families — I’m sure they don’t send them with that intent, but for a long while it felt that way. One day at a time… just some days it hits you.
I fell the same happens to me too, though I live far away. So kindness and search for real meaning in human life is an ongoing trip for us chlidless men and women.
Cherish your good spirit as life has provided you and not others!
Merry Christmas Aly
Analia Toros says
..I feel for you…
How many Christmas presents does a three year old need?!? It will outgrow the shiny new toys by next year! Seriously that is why there is global warming. Don’t even get me started on gifts for newborns who don’t even know where they are.
I had a mostly OK Christmas/New Year’s. Two incidents that stuck in my craw a little, though. (1) My mother asking me if I wanted to go over to the neighbours’ house with her to see their visiting grandchildren. I took a pass on that. She also kept showing me the Facebook photos of her friends’ kids and grandkids (& in some cases great-grandkids). I don’t know a lot of these people, let alone their offspring, and I really had no interest in seeing their photos. (2) BIL, father of two wonderful grown-up sons (our nephews) & a recent first-time grandfather, was complaining that they should have had girls, because “Who’s going to take care of us when we’re older? Not these guys.” Seriously?? HE’s worried about who’s going to take care of HIM? I love my BIL, but he clearly did not think about who he was talking to.